I feel blank today. I am finally home from Miami. Ron is back from traveling to Chicago on business and then to Miami with me. It is quiet in my house. I feel blank and sad.
I remember a Thanksgiving a while ago, Ron and I hosted over 20 people. It was loud and insane and wonderful. There were children running around our house and drinking over board games but when the last person closed our front door, and the quiet set in, we sat on the couch and starred at the wall in silence. It was the loudest silence I have every heard. I think I felt it in my cells.
That is how I feel today after being spit out of the emotional tornado that is grieving with my large, loud and beautiful family. The stillness is unsettling.
Yoga has helped me find peace and comfort in places like this. It has taken a lot of work. Funerals are important but, for me, they are a balm on the soul that stops the real feelings. Yoga helps me be okay and not judge the real feelings. I am going to sit in the quiet and allow myself to marinate in what I am feeling without judgement. I am going to release the things I no longer need.
Today, I am grateful for the quiet but I am also grateful for the loudness that lifts me up and balances the quiet. Without the noise of life, there would be no quiet.