The West Wing is one of my all time favorite TV shows. I have watched it all the way through no less than 8 times. I wanted to be CJ Cregg when I grew up and I would have married Josh Lyman. I can quote the show extensively and, yes, I am listening to West Wing Weekly every single week.
Part of what I loved about the show and my time in "the game" as I sometimes lamely refer to political work, is how fast paced it was. There was no time for mistakes but if you made them, you had to fix it quickly before the next problem showed up. That is also what I loved about working in the back of house in a restaurant. You fall, you get up, you keep going. The job demands that of you. Motherhood is also like that. You just have to keep going.
Unless, of course, you come to a pause.
I am in the pause.
It certainly was not intentional, this pause. I am the kind of person who loves to be busy. I revel in it. It gives me an excuse to avoid silence, tasks I would rather not do and exercise. "I wish i could but oh darn, I am just SO BUSY." I like being challenged and pushed beyond my limits. That is probably why I loved campaign work!
But somehow, I am here. Between the last thing and the next thing. In the air between each trapeze, I have let go of one but have yet to grasp the other. I am sure I do not have to tell you how goddamn terrifying that is. Especially when the trapeze I was expecting to show up hasn't shown up yet!
The first few weeks were great! I got my nails done, a long over due haircut, doctors' appointments I had been avoiding all kept me busy. But now? I am in that place where I might actually clean out my closets or organize my desk. I honestly would rather eat glass.
Instead, I have started a blog. I have no idea what the hell I am doing but I am willing to begin.
This is "what's next."
So, hi. Nice to meet you. Let's do the damn thing.