A Long Way Back To The Light.

I have really been struggling with how to articulate my feelings about the shootings in Orlando over the weekend. I have been reading others' reflections and feelings. I have been posting and sending out messages of love and support to my friends who lost friends. I have been checking in on my LGBT friends and sending them my love and support.

It has been a lot of input. 

When I found out the number of souls lost and injured on Sunday morning, I was out in public. All the air in my body escaped at once and I was so lightheaded I had to sit down for 20 minutes before I could even stand again. I was dizzy most of the day.

I watched my friend Alex publicly struggle to find out if her friends were safe and deal with the idea that a safe place she spent a lot of time in college was now violated. I love you, Alex.

In yoga, there is an idea that our asana (physical yoga practice) serves as a fire to burn away the impurities in our mind and body so that only the truth and authentic remain. It is like in nature, a forest fire, when naturally occurring, burns away the gunk on the forest floor to cleanse and renew the forest's ecosystem. 

In my mind, the searing anger and frustration and helplessness I felt immediately was the fire that burned away to leave behind a deep, black, smoldering sorrow. My heart is broken. For my friends, for my country, for Orlando. 

I really only know one thing and that is that I know nothing. That is why I am doing the only thing I can do, which is my best. I am trying to take care of my corner of the world with love and kindness and tenderness. The evil that would do something like this is so big, so daunting. It often times feels like David versus Goliath. But I know that if I can just put one foot in front of the other in love, I will continue to move back towards the light.

If you are hurting and need to talk, I am here for you. You are loved. You are important. 

"It's a long road up to recovery from here, a long way back to the light."