Wait For It.
There are two words that no one would ever use to describe me: quiet and patient. As a young kid, I thought patient people were still as they waited for their turn at the dentist. No one makes any sudden moves. Just quiet, still. Waiting.
I was never quiet or still. I would never be patient. I even had a boyfriend call me Varuna Salt ("I WANT IT NOOOOOOOOOW!")
In high school, I had a wonderful English teacher who would say "Patience is a virtue, the essence you know not yet." It became mantra but to the point where you no longer even noticed the words, you just heard the cadence. It sunk in but not with much impact.
Truly, until very recently, I would have told you that hustle is what gets you places. Waiting for the world to call your number is a fool's errand. You could die waiting. You want it? Go get it.
Oh my god. I am Alexander Hamilton.
But here is the thing, today, something occurred to me while on my yoga mat. Life is measured in millimeters, not miles. Patience is a verb. Patience is work. Patience is not passive.
Patience is trusting in the process. It is showing up for yourself and your dreams everyday or on the days you can. It is being patient with yourself, with God/The Universe's timing while doing the work, and putting out the frequency to attract coconspirators and for wisdom to know what the next step will be.
I did not show up to yoga on the first day and bust out crazy moves. It was a process, a journey. Each drop of sweat, each inhale, each exhale brings me closer to my goals, to myself. It is incremental. You can not bulldoze yourself into poses. I mean, you can try. It is dangerous. It much better to work towards them. It is better to be patient.
The busier I get in my life, the easier it is get into a routine and trust that each day will bring me closer to my goals. It can make the days zoom by without noticing the millimeter of progress made. How Z has grown up and changed, how my flowers in my garden are healthier. We often look to measure things in such a way that shows immediate and dramatic results. Anyone who bakes with yeast or has lost weight will tell you, it is a process, a journey. It requires hard work on a regular basis but it also requires patience. You don't get wine just from crushed grapes. Time is an ingredient.
You cannot make delicious cakes, chicken wings or anything else if you are rushing the process. You must have discipline enough to back off a bit and be easy. It will come if you take the steps. you cannot jam a square peg into a round hole.
This week, months of planning, talking and dreaming will pay off. My parents are moving here to Pennsylvania to live on our street. Ron is about to start a wonderful new career adventure. My career is starting to move in the right direction. It feels like the rose bush of my life is blooming after much tender love and care. There was only so much I could do to make it happen, I did those things and then it was time to let it bloom.
So, if you are in the deep dark hole of life, if you feel as if sometimes you are absolutely no where, you just have to keep showing up, keep walking, trust the process
and wait for it.