Future Me.

My friend, Claire, likes to talk to her past and future selves. Sometimes, she'll be pleased that her past self, despite her drunkeness, saved enough pizza to eat the next morning. Sometimes, she will apologize to her future self who will be really disappointed with her current self for not going to bed at reasonable hour on a Sunday night. I love this idea. I love that we are separate from those selves but the same.

It really wasn't until I had Zachary that I became in tune and concerned over my future self. When the only person you have to worry about is yourself, past present or future, it is easy to just make due in the moment. Improvise. This is especially true for someone like me who is generally disorganized when it comes to nonessential home life type things. ADHD is also really unhelpful when planning out very specific details.

However, once I had another person completely depending on me to actually have my ever-loving shit together, I had to start thinking about my future self. Think about it. It is Monday morning and everyone is trying to get out of the door. Wouldn't Monday morning me be less stressed if the fridge is stocked for the week and Sunday night me had packed Z's lunch and school bag? Monday morning me would be so happy you have no idea.

Would July 10 wedding guest me be happy if for the month leading up to the wedding date I stopped treating my body like a human dumpster for sugar and salt and carbs? July 10th me REALLY would. 

I think most of this feeling is what it means to grow up and be an adult. It is hard to stop what I am doing and prep dinner in the middle of the day. It can be a huge undertaking to get myself to yoga when I would rather just not thank you. It can be frustrating and difficult to not bake and eat chocolate chips cookies. But, when I think about future me and what she would want me to be doing, it is the hard stuff. The stuff that will make the future easier.

I often think about who I am through the eyes of my 13 year old self. I think she would really be knocked out by where I have found myself and who I am. I think that she would think I was a bad ass. She may not have thought much about current me, but it was every step she took that turned her into me.