My new routine involves a lot of walking outside by myself and thus, a lot of podcast listening. My favorite podcast(which I have written about previously), Another Round, has been in heavy rotation.
This morning, one of my favorite twitter follows, Ashley Ford, was a guest. I love Ashley. Her twitter feed is always eye opening and comforting and this interview was no different. My favorite part was when she was discussing therapy.
She said that she never used to think of herself as a perfectionist because, in her mind, a perfectionist was a straight-A student, varsity letterman and high achiever. But therapy taught her that she is a perfectionist that manifests in a very different way. Her standards are so high for herself that she feels paralyzed about doing the thing because she worries it will not be good enough. This feeling gives her anxiety and panic and immobilizes her from moving forward.
It was like having someone reach into my brain and read the words scrawled all over it. SO much so that I am experiencing these feeling at this very moment in 2 different ways. 1. I have not felt inspired to write on this blog because I am 100% certain that I have nothing to say. 2. I am about to leave for DC for a business trip where I will see and hang out with my rad colleagues and friends and am 100% sure that I am not as cool, put together or amazing as they are and that they will notice and hate my guts.
I know this is totally irrational but that is what being crazy is.
So, it turns out that I am a perfectionist. It was really cool to hear Ashley lay it out there in such stark terms. It gives me resolve to know that bad asses like her are having the same mental struggle that I have every moment of my goddamn life. It is said that we should not let the perfect get in the way of the good.
I think that is my goal. To do good.