Fear Factor.

That dude right there is St. Augustine. After 18 years of Catholic education, the nuns and brothers of St. Rose of Lima and Archbishop Curley-Notre Dame will be pleased to know that I do, by the grace of God, remember some of the things they taught me! 

St. Augustine is one of my favorites because he is quoted as asking God to make him pure but just not yet. 

"Dear, Lord in heaven. I want to be pure. I want to obey you. I want to live my life by your teachings but just not yet. Not today. Definitely tomorrow. Okay MAYBE tomorrow. We'll just have to see."

Y'all. I understand St. Augustine.

I mean. I could apply this to almost every single place in my life. 

"I want to eat well and be healthy. Eat more vegetables. But OH LOOK CAKE. Maybe tomorrow."

"I want to have a clean and organized desk and work area!"

"I want to write a book, start a podcast, do my yoga teacher training. But, oh Lord, just not yet."

That last one is a doozy. A real doozy. 

You see, it is not the work I am afraid of. I love hard work. I love a challenge. I like it. 

It is the crazy idea that somehow, once I do those things, they will actually be successful. I can live my life in a small way. I can be who I am in my life, life my truth and just keep plugging away at it. But what if I leap and leap big? What if, instead the failure we all are legitimately afraid of, I find success?

If I am honest with myself, I am perfectly comfortable with failure. Failure is an old friend that I know well. Success and big success is terrifying. Who will I be with the light shining brightly on me? What would it mean if people listen to me on a big scale?

That is terrifying!

But, like St. Augustine discovered, at some point, you have to do the damn thing. You have to leap.